I write for a paycheck, but I don't feel like a writer. I'm sure that's normal, but it still sucks. "Writing" in the world of today includes all sorts of tweets, posts, blogs, comments, content, etc. that just burn my cookies. Regurgitating other peoples' thoughts in these formats is what I have to do to earn my keep. I like editing. I like creatively writing. I even like trying to get into the heads of other people, but what pains me most is when those same people turn around and say, "That's not what I want." Then tell me what you want so we don't have to play this irksome guessing game! I'm not clairvoyant. I wish I were, but I'm not. If you have an idea in your head about what you want me to say as you, let me know...I may not have the same thought processes as you do (and more than likely don't).
I want to go off and rant about how unfair the whole concept is, but then I'd just sound like Sarah in Labyrinth and, unfortunately, Goblin King Jareth won't appear to snap at my whinging...so it's pointless to complain if that's not the case.
So...I'm not really complaining so much as just letting off steam. Hmm. Steam.
If I were a writing machine, this would be so much easier. I could calculate their personalities and recreate them on the page. Of course, that would be too honest...too raw...not professional enough...too scarily like them that they'd blush to admit it. They'd have to re-calibrate me to fictionalize their voice to just the level of their own sensory pleasure - something that sounds vaguely like them but not close enough that a family member or close friend would read it and proclaim that it sounds EXACTLY like something that So-and-so would say.
Huh. When I put it that way, it sounds just like what they're doing to me as it stands. I am their machine. Their coin-operated writing machine.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
No New Year yet
So I haven't updated in a while...just haven't had much to report, other than that this New Year hasn't gotten off to that great of a first lap. Maybe the New Year hasn't really started for me yet. That would explain the off-ness I feel about it. Perhaps my "New Year" really doesn't follow the Western calendar; maybe mine begins on the Chinese New Year. That would explain a lot.
This is the year of the dragon, too. Sounds rather good, does it not? Fiery, bold, brash, protective of riches...a bit on the hoarder-ish side, if you think along the lines of traditional fairy tale dragon, but perhaps not. I must remember thiat this is the Chinese dragon we're dealing with. Though strong and powerful, they are also ancient, wise and, a lot of the time, benevolent. This year, 2012, is also a Water Dragon year. It is said to bring a good balance to everything. I really need that; I think we ALL really need that.
Oh, and speaking of the Chinese zodiac, I just wanted to specify that I am a Fire Tiger. The best description I've seen so far of this is: "Expressive, vibrant and a bit eccentric." I think that suits quite well, actually. Funny, Marilyn Monroe was one, too. It suits her as well. She was also born a day before me + 60 years; she's June 1, 1926 and I'm June 2, 1986. I love celebrating our birthday week. Ooh...but as a Fire Tiger, I hope this Water Dragon year won't put any of my flames out! I'm feeling soggy enough as it is! I need those sparks to rekindle and light me up to refresh and renew my sopping spirits!!! Perhaps, instead of soaking me, the kind, wise Water Dragon will let me lap from his creative pool. I've been rather parched of late...
Let me see...what's happened since my last post that isn't too mundane or unpleasant...
This Christmas was nice, although it didn't start out feeling so Christmassy. There was something about this past year that just sapped my mother and I of our usual season's cheer and I know I was feeling rather grinchy. However, on Christmas Eve, we both set that to rights by going to Mass together and then going out with Candace to Daddy's band's gig after sharing a lovely Christmas dinner. Christmas morning was a blast, as usual. Whatever spirits had been lagging before were cured with the family togetherness and general fun.
I've just felt out of the loop lately...not really grounded. Maybe it's something to do with the unseasonable weather we've been experiencing lately, or maybe it's something else all together. It's not completely a feeling like I'm having an out-of-body experience, but more like I'm just watching everything happen from above. I'll just try to do things to keep myself grounded. Perhaps I should invest in some tent stakes and sturdy rope. Don't want to float too far away, now, do I?
Friday, December 2, 2011
Lack of patience = lack of results
It's December - a month that seems to have come much too soon. It's not really cold yet and the time for extreme gift giving will surely depress me to the point of tears at least once. Not that I don't want to give much, but I really can't this year. For one, I have a new car that I surely couldn't afford. It didn't come to me in the best of ways, either. Let me record the whole story here, at least for something to come back to when I'm old and doddery.
It was going to be something easy. Something relatively quick which, in terms of my car, would be done in time to be driven again by Monday morning for the long trek to work...but it wasn't. Of course it wasn't or I wouldn't be relating this story at all, let alone whinging on about it in my blog. For some time now, I knew that I had to order a new harmonic balancer for my car. Apparently it is part of the crankshaft assembly and my mechanic boyfriend told me that the one I had now was wobbling and, if I didn't get it taken care of, it would come off and - in a worst-case scenario - take out part of my engine whilst driving. Not good. So, when it came time for him to do my oil change and whatnot, I ordered the part off an auto parts website (the only one left with the available part, so we really had no choice where to buy it from) and he did the oil change before starting on the balancer.
Needless to say, my car would not start when he put the new balancer on. He figured out that it was one or two things: either the part was bad and/or the sensor was bad. Oh...and that didn't take too long...it is just that my car's under-hood area is heavily encrusted with years of gunk and all original parts from 1989-1990. Suffice to say that he had a terrible time of even the slightest of things which is, unfortunately, usually the case with my older car. Sunday, he went and bought a new sensor at NAPA and put it on with the old balancer; the car started right up. I was elated because I was seriously looking into rental cars and bus schedules. He told me that he didn't want to risk putting the new part on again with the new sensor because he thinks the new part busted the old sensor because the spacing on some part of it was off. Soo...to make a long story slightly shorter, we decided it was finally time to get into gear to get me a new car.
Over the course of last weekend, we drove all over the place and looked at a few cars in "my" price range. (Note, I put "my" in quotation marks because I have no money at all. My wonderful boyfriend is paying for the car outright and I will pay him back. I feel extremely awkward about this, but there is no way around it because everyone, including him, do not want me to pay all the interest and fees and full coverage on insurance to make payments on a car from a dealership. Oh, and "my" price range started out at around $0 - $2000 and eventually went up to...well, you'll see.) They were awful.Too expensive for a 1998 Ford Escort with 80K miles...2001 Neon whose engine was the loudest I'd ever heard in such a small car...2000 Mercury Sable which felt like getting into a newer version of my rather large Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera...it was taxing on everyone looking.
At the end of the day last Saturday, I accompanied my parents to Best Buy to help them get a camera while boyfriend went home to look at more cars on Craigslist. When we got home, he'd found a 2004 Kia Rio with a little over 68K miles in our area. We were pretty much sold on it before we went there, which was bad. It was the model car I wanted with low mileage without having to drive a billion miles to see it. Worst part so far was the price - the guy was asking online for $3950. Ryan figured he could talk him down some, so we went to see it.
The car was cute and rode well, but Ryan immediately saw that it had an oil leak (although the guy said he'd just sprayed down under the hood for looks and that was probably it) and it needed tires on the back. Driving it was nice, but it whined a little. We looked at eachother and wanted all this crap over with, so we took it. Had to put a deposit down because his bank wouldn't give him any more cash at the ATM for the day, so we got it and the title Monday night after work.
It's now Friday and we know that the belts are too tight, the AC was just charged and it's probably a head gasket that's leaking - not the valve cover like we were hoping. Oh...and we got the car for $3700, which is really more than we wanted to pay, but we were over it. So...I have a Kia Rio...which is what I wanted since it's cute, newer than my car and has low mileage. However, I still can't drive it yet. We have 58 days (the leftover length of two temporary tags for my Olds) to fix it. Too bad Ryan has to use his vacation week in two weeks to do it. Oh well...at least he won't feel like he did nothing all day during his "stay-cation" like he did last time.
New lesson learned!
When buying a used car, take your time! Don't try to rush it or you'll be in worse shape than when you started!
It was going to be something easy. Something relatively quick which, in terms of my car, would be done in time to be driven again by Monday morning for the long trek to work...but it wasn't. Of course it wasn't or I wouldn't be relating this story at all, let alone whinging on about it in my blog. For some time now, I knew that I had to order a new harmonic balancer for my car. Apparently it is part of the crankshaft assembly and my mechanic boyfriend told me that the one I had now was wobbling and, if I didn't get it taken care of, it would come off and - in a worst-case scenario - take out part of my engine whilst driving. Not good. So, when it came time for him to do my oil change and whatnot, I ordered the part off an auto parts website (the only one left with the available part, so we really had no choice where to buy it from) and he did the oil change before starting on the balancer.
Needless to say, my car would not start when he put the new balancer on. He figured out that it was one or two things: either the part was bad and/or the sensor was bad. Oh...and that didn't take too long...it is just that my car's under-hood area is heavily encrusted with years of gunk and all original parts from 1989-1990. Suffice to say that he had a terrible time of even the slightest of things which is, unfortunately, usually the case with my older car. Sunday, he went and bought a new sensor at NAPA and put it on with the old balancer; the car started right up. I was elated because I was seriously looking into rental cars and bus schedules. He told me that he didn't want to risk putting the new part on again with the new sensor because he thinks the new part busted the old sensor because the spacing on some part of it was off. Soo...to make a long story slightly shorter, we decided it was finally time to get into gear to get me a new car.
Over the course of last weekend, we drove all over the place and looked at a few cars in "my" price range. (Note, I put "my" in quotation marks because I have no money at all. My wonderful boyfriend is paying for the car outright and I will pay him back. I feel extremely awkward about this, but there is no way around it because everyone, including him, do not want me to pay all the interest and fees and full coverage on insurance to make payments on a car from a dealership. Oh, and "my" price range started out at around $0 - $2000 and eventually went up to...well, you'll see.) They were awful.Too expensive for a 1998 Ford Escort with 80K miles...2001 Neon whose engine was the loudest I'd ever heard in such a small car...2000 Mercury Sable which felt like getting into a newer version of my rather large Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera...it was taxing on everyone looking.
At the end of the day last Saturday, I accompanied my parents to Best Buy to help them get a camera while boyfriend went home to look at more cars on Craigslist. When we got home, he'd found a 2004 Kia Rio with a little over 68K miles in our area. We were pretty much sold on it before we went there, which was bad. It was the model car I wanted with low mileage without having to drive a billion miles to see it. Worst part so far was the price - the guy was asking online for $3950. Ryan figured he could talk him down some, so we went to see it.
The car was cute and rode well, but Ryan immediately saw that it had an oil leak (although the guy said he'd just sprayed down under the hood for looks and that was probably it) and it needed tires on the back. Driving it was nice, but it whined a little. We looked at eachother and wanted all this crap over with, so we took it. Had to put a deposit down because his bank wouldn't give him any more cash at the ATM for the day, so we got it and the title Monday night after work.
It's now Friday and we know that the belts are too tight, the AC was just charged and it's probably a head gasket that's leaking - not the valve cover like we were hoping. Oh...and we got the car for $3700, which is really more than we wanted to pay, but we were over it. So...I have a Kia Rio...which is what I wanted since it's cute, newer than my car and has low mileage. However, I still can't drive it yet. We have 58 days (the leftover length of two temporary tags for my Olds) to fix it. Too bad Ryan has to use his vacation week in two weeks to do it. Oh well...at least he won't feel like he did nothing all day during his "stay-cation" like he did last time.
New lesson learned!
When buying a used car, take your time! Don't try to rush it or you'll be in worse shape than when you started!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Things to do in the new year
Not really a resolution list, so to say...just more of a "To Do" list because I always skimp on resolving my resolutions.
~ Get "new" car
~ Make/buy latex or silicone mermaid tail with scales
~ Work on routine for professional mermaid act for parties
~ Work on stories
...that's all for now.
~ Get "new" car
~ Make/buy latex or silicone mermaid tail with scales
~ Work on routine for professional mermaid act for parties
~ Work on stories
...that's all for now.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Same eyes, different time - disjointed notes
I feel very keenly that I am still the same little girl I was when I was about 6 or 7. Honestly, I don't feel I've changed much at all. Sure, I've grown up, but I'm the same. It's a strange feeling to see my position now with those same eyes...some of it's amazing and I'm delighted to have done something I used to dream about, but then again, there are times when my inner self just sits down and pouts about something I'm doing or have done. It's awful and I hate disappointing myself.
...
I was a mermaid. I mean, I am a mermaid, no doubt about that, but people actually acknowledged me as a mermaid for a whole weekend and I was absolutely beyond ecstasy. I think I want to get to the point where that is a bigger part of my life. I couldn't have been more happy doing that and there are many elements that combined to make that utter joy: friendly new people; happy, interested children; new setting... I wished it had never ended and now I'm curious as to how to make it continue. I really need to apply myself and get this to work.
...
On another note, I'm feeling stifled. I need change and I'm not sure where it should come in. Everything's screaming at me and I can't pinpoint where the majority of the voices are coming from so I can shake them up and silence them.
...
I'm almost done reading Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell for practically the billionth time and I'm just as enchanted by it as I was when I first picked it up. I highly suggest that you read it...whoever you are. I think I'll read through Susanna Clarke's The Ladies of Grace Adieu & Other Stories just to round out that fantastical feeling I get when I read through her masterpiece once again. I'd love to read something else from her, but I know almost exactly how she feels with regards to writing, although she's come much farther than I have, having actually finished writing a novel AND getting it published. I'm still only writing.
...
Just keep swimming, right? Well...what if I have the sudden urge to turn around and swim against the current I'm in now? Is that bad? Beneficial? Pointless? I guess I have to just turn and swim harder to find out.
...
I was a mermaid. I mean, I am a mermaid, no doubt about that, but people actually acknowledged me as a mermaid for a whole weekend and I was absolutely beyond ecstasy. I think I want to get to the point where that is a bigger part of my life. I couldn't have been more happy doing that and there are many elements that combined to make that utter joy: friendly new people; happy, interested children; new setting... I wished it had never ended and now I'm curious as to how to make it continue. I really need to apply myself and get this to work.
...
On another note, I'm feeling stifled. I need change and I'm not sure where it should come in. Everything's screaming at me and I can't pinpoint where the majority of the voices are coming from so I can shake them up and silence them.
...
I'm almost done reading Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell for practically the billionth time and I'm just as enchanted by it as I was when I first picked it up. I highly suggest that you read it...whoever you are. I think I'll read through Susanna Clarke's The Ladies of Grace Adieu & Other Stories just to round out that fantastical feeling I get when I read through her masterpiece once again. I'd love to read something else from her, but I know almost exactly how she feels with regards to writing, although she's come much farther than I have, having actually finished writing a novel AND getting it published. I'm still only writing.
...
Just keep swimming, right? Well...what if I have the sudden urge to turn around and swim against the current I'm in now? Is that bad? Beneficial? Pointless? I guess I have to just turn and swim harder to find out.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Ethereal creatures of the deep
It's so neat to try and recreate that ethereal glow that the mermaids in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides have. They shimmer and shine with something akin to moonglow and it is truly captivating.
I learned through various searches that their on-set makeup artists used something from DuWop called Doubleglow7 that adds luminescence to any face. ...too bad I didn't find out about that earlier. Now I'm only three days away from driving to Georgia for the Southern Pirate Festival and I don't have time to wait for something to come in the mail. It's my fault because I wasn't really searching until much too late, but I don't think I'm going to be too far off with what I have already.
I'm going to be the first to admit that I really know nothing about makeup and its application. I've always really relied on my younger sister to help me there; she's really good with makeup and she's taken professional pictures before. I'm not really too intimidated, but I can get carried away with the buying, just trying to figure out what I need. I grilled my sister a week or so ago about what I needed to get a good, flawless look in pictures and she told me some items and even went shopping with me. Now, since I've not seen her recently, I've been searching on my own and have since found all sorts of tutorials and whatnot telling me the thousands of more "essentials" I need to create this amazing look that I want. Ugh. Too much.
I'm going to be the first to admit that I really know nothing about makeup and its application. I've always really relied on my younger sister to help me there; she's really good with makeup and she's taken professional pictures before. I'm not really too intimidated, but I can get carried away with the buying, just trying to figure out what I need. I grilled my sister a week or so ago about what I needed to get a good, flawless look in pictures and she told me some items and even went shopping with me. Now, since I've not seen her recently, I've been searching on my own and have since found all sorts of tutorials and whatnot telling me the thousands of more "essentials" I need to create this amazing look that I want. Ugh. Too much.
Instead of the Doubleglow7 (which I intend to buy later along with DuWop's lovely "Isla Sirena" palette of mermaid-themed makeups), I found something called Shimmering Facial Whip by e.l.f. I bought the little tube in the "Spotlight" shade and tried it last night...AMAZING! It looked just like shimmers of moonlight highlighting my shoulders and cheeks. It also had the bonus effect of making it look like I'd almost dried off after swimming, but was still slightly wet. I loved it and even contemplated wearing it to work today, but opted not to...as that's weird. I'll save it for my two days of mermaiding in Georgia.
I know I won't look the same as those beauties in On Stranger Tides...heck, I'll barely have a shred of similarity, but at least I'll shine like they do in dark waters during the movie. I can't wait!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Dazzled by Duran Duran
Can words really describe the overwhelming elation I felt during the Duran Duran concert in Clearwater on October 10? Not sufficiently, no; words can't, but that's all I have, so I'll try to work with it.
Outstanding. Superb. Amazing. Stunning. Dazzling.
Ooh...I like that one: dazzling. That fits very well.
It was the first concert I'd ever been to at Ruth Eckerd Hall, so I wasn't sure what to expect, venue-wise. I did know, however, that Duran Duran were going to be fantastic...I just didn't realize how fantastic they would really end up being.
This concert was the fourth time I've seen Duran Duran perform onstage. The first time was during the Astronaut tour, the second was when they performed with the Orlando Symphonic Orchestra and the third was in 2008 for their Red Carpet Massacre tour. So that's Tampa, Orlando, Orlando and now Clearwater. Also, that's 'with Andy Taylor,' 'with Andy Taylor,' 'without Andy Taylor' and, now (once again), 'without Andy Taylor.' With all those different variables and things taken out of consideration, I have to say that this latest performance was the best I'd seen of theirs yet.
In all aspects I was blown away like the Maxell advert guy. Simon's voice was incredible for having been so recently out of commission; John's bass was heart-stoppingly killer; Roger's drums were thrilling; Nick's keyboards were out of this world (as always, because he's an alien); and Dom's guitar riffs wailed. I really don't recall Andy ever being as good as Dom is now and I've seen PLENTY of videos.
Simon, Nick, John, and Roger were all laughing, playing with the crowd, joking with each other and playing brilliantly on top of that.
Ohhh...I'm all over the place! This was the set list:
BEFORE THE RAIN/PLANET EARTH/A VIEW TO A KILL/ALL YOU NEED IS NOW/ BLAME THE MACHINES/COME UNDONE/SAFE/REFLEX/LEOPARD/GIRL PANIC/TIGER TIGER/CARELESS MEMORIES/LEAVE A LIGHT ON/ORDINARY WORLD/NOTORIOUS/HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF/SUNRISE (encore) WILD BOYS/RIO
When they opened the concert with "Before the Rain," I about fell over. My jaw dropped and my heart stopped for a second. Ryan thought it was funny and/or cute. My hands clasped together at my chest and I teared up when Simon began to sing (I wasn't the only one). That song is every expression of beauty that I can think of, song-wise; opening with that song was such a right choice. It set the perfect tone of the concert and then played with it by following it up with "Planet Earth."
Simon said at one point that they were the band that would make us party and they sure did; the whole sold-out venue was on their feet the entire time, dancing, singing, laughing, loving the show.
When they busted the instrumental "Tiger Tiger" out from their Seven and the Ragged Tiger album, I was floored and Ryan was pleased to say the least; he LOVES instrumentals and from the moment I first played him that track, he was hooked.
Everything was just so right about the concert. The weather was great, the drive was easy (except when we got lost before we got there, but even that wasn't bad at all; we just turned around and went the other way), the crowd was friendly and not raucous, the band was brilliant (as always)...everything was so right.
I will absolutely treasure every millisecond of the memories of this Duran Duran concert. In a sea of good evenings, this one was perfect.
Outstanding. Superb. Amazing. Stunning. Dazzling.
Ooh...I like that one: dazzling. That fits very well.
It was the first concert I'd ever been to at Ruth Eckerd Hall, so I wasn't sure what to expect, venue-wise. I did know, however, that Duran Duran were going to be fantastic...I just didn't realize how fantastic they would really end up being.
This concert was the fourth time I've seen Duran Duran perform onstage. The first time was during the Astronaut tour, the second was when they performed with the Orlando Symphonic Orchestra and the third was in 2008 for their Red Carpet Massacre tour. So that's Tampa, Orlando, Orlando and now Clearwater. Also, that's 'with Andy Taylor,' 'with Andy Taylor,' 'without Andy Taylor' and, now (once again), 'without Andy Taylor.' With all those different variables and things taken out of consideration, I have to say that this latest performance was the best I'd seen of theirs yet.
In all aspects I was blown away like the Maxell advert guy. Simon's voice was incredible for having been so recently out of commission; John's bass was heart-stoppingly killer; Roger's drums were thrilling; Nick's keyboards were out of this world (as always, because he's an alien); and Dom's guitar riffs wailed. I really don't recall Andy ever being as good as Dom is now and I've seen PLENTY of videos.
Simon, Nick, John, and Roger were all laughing, playing with the crowd, joking with each other and playing brilliantly on top of that.
Ohhh...I'm all over the place! This was the set list:
BEFORE THE RAIN/PLANET EARTH/A VIEW TO A KILL/ALL YOU NEED IS NOW/ BLAME THE MACHINES/COME UNDONE/SAFE/REFLEX/LEOPARD/GIRL PANIC/TIGER TIGER/CARELESS MEMORIES/LEAVE A LIGHT ON/ORDINARY WORLD/NOTORIOUS/HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF/SUNRISE (encore) WILD BOYS/RIO
When they opened the concert with "Before the Rain," I about fell over. My jaw dropped and my heart stopped for a second. Ryan thought it was funny and/or cute. My hands clasped together at my chest and I teared up when Simon began to sing (I wasn't the only one). That song is every expression of beauty that I can think of, song-wise; opening with that song was such a right choice. It set the perfect tone of the concert and then played with it by following it up with "Planet Earth."
Simon said at one point that they were the band that would make us party and they sure did; the whole sold-out venue was on their feet the entire time, dancing, singing, laughing, loving the show.
When they busted the instrumental "Tiger Tiger" out from their Seven and the Ragged Tiger album, I was floored and Ryan was pleased to say the least; he LOVES instrumentals and from the moment I first played him that track, he was hooked.
Everything was just so right about the concert. The weather was great, the drive was easy (except when we got lost before we got there, but even that wasn't bad at all; we just turned around and went the other way), the crowd was friendly and not raucous, the band was brilliant (as always)...everything was so right.
I will absolutely treasure every millisecond of the memories of this Duran Duran concert. In a sea of good evenings, this one was perfect.
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