Marilyn Monroe, the Mermaid

A few months later...it's Marilyn Monroe's birthday again!
My birthday is tomorrow and hopefully it will be alright. I just want to have a good day with my family. Here at work, everyone went all out and I walked into a pink extravaganza; there were princess balloons, pink hearts, birthday banners, Pinkie Pie cards, and even pink roses! I feel very loved.

I've got a new mermaid tail...it looks just like Ariel's and I hope to be able to swim in it soon at Alexander Springs. Maybe I'll even be able to take a video to post.

Speaking of mermaids and Marilyn, here are some artistic renderings (not mine though) of Marilyn Monroe as a mermaid, in honor of her birthday today and mine tomorrow:

 

A Cake of a Dream

I would love to try and bake this cake from Mary Randolph's 1824 The Virginia House-Wife: 

However, thirty broken eggs, four pounds of hand-creamed butter, a heavily-flour'd kitchen, over three hours and one manic me do not equate to a happy cake eating environment. Too bad.

A grumbling writer is still a grumbling writer

I write for a paycheck, but I don't feel like a writer. I'm sure that's normal, but it still sucks. "Writing" in the world of today includes all sorts of tweets, posts, blogs, comments, content, etc. that just burn my cookies. Regurgitating other peoples' thoughts in these formats is what I have to do to earn my keep. I like editing. I like creatively writing. I even like trying to get into the heads of other people, but what pains me most is when those same people turn around and say, "That's not what I want." Then tell me what you want so we don't have to play this irksome guessing game! I'm not clairvoyant. I wish I were, but I'm not. If you have an idea in your head about what you want me to say as you, let me know...I may not have the same thought processes as you do (and more than likely don't).

I want to go off and rant about how unfair the whole concept is, but then I'd just sound like Sarah in Labyrinth and, unfortunately, Goblin King Jareth won't appear to snap at my whinging...so it's pointless to complain if that's not the case.

So...I'm not really complaining so much as just letting off steam. Hmm. Steam.

If I were a writing machine, this would be so much easier. I could calculate their personalities and recreate them on the page. Of course, that would be too honest...too raw...not professional enough...too scarily like them that they'd blush to admit it. They'd have to re-calibrate me to fictionalize their voice to just the level of their own sensory pleasure - something that sounds vaguely like them but not close enough that a family member or close friend would read it and proclaim that it sounds EXACTLY like something that So-and-so would say.

Huh. When I put it that way, it sounds just like what they're doing to me as it stands. I am their machine. Their coin-operated writing machine.

No New Year yet

So I haven't updated in a while...just haven't had much to report, other than that this New Year hasn't gotten off to that great of a first lap. Maybe the New Year hasn't really started for me yet. That would explain the off-ness I feel about it. Perhaps my "New Year" really doesn't follow the Western calendar; maybe mine begins on the Chinese New Year. That would explain a lot.

This is the year of the dragon, too. Sounds rather good, does it not? Fiery, bold, brash, protective of riches...a bit on the hoarder-ish side, if you think along the lines of traditional fairy tale dragon, but perhaps not. I must remember thiat this is the Chinese dragon we're dealing with. Though strong and powerful, they are also ancient, wise and, a lot of the time, benevolent. This year, 2012, is also a Water Dragon year. It is said to bring a good balance to everything. I really need that; I think we ALL really need that.

Oh, and speaking of the Chinese zodiac, I just wanted to specify that I am a Fire Tiger. The best description I've seen so far of this is: "Expressive, vibrant and a bit eccentric." I think that suits quite well, actually. Funny, Marilyn Monroe was one, too. It suits her as well. She was also born a day before me + 60 years; she's June 1, 1926 and I'm June 2, 1986. I love celebrating our birthday week. Ooh...but as a Fire Tiger, I hope this Water Dragon year won't put any of my flames out! I'm feeling soggy enough as it is! I need those sparks to rekindle and light me up to refresh and renew my sopping spirits!!! Perhaps, instead of soaking me, the kind, wise Water Dragon will let me lap from his creative pool. I've been rather parched of late...

Let me see...what's happened since my last post that isn't too mundane or unpleasant...

This Christmas was nice, although it didn't start out feeling so Christmassy. There was something about this past year that just sapped my mother and I of our usual season's cheer and I know I was feeling rather grinchy. However, on Christmas Eve, we both set that to rights by going to Mass together and then going out with Candace to Daddy's band's gig after sharing a lovely Christmas dinner. Christmas morning was a blast, as usual. Whatever spirits had been lagging before were cured with the family togetherness and general fun.

I've just felt out of the loop lately...not really grounded. Maybe it's something to do with the unseasonable weather we've been experiencing lately, or maybe it's something else all together. It's not completely a feeling like I'm having an out-of-body experience, but more like I'm just watching everything happen from above. I'll just try to do things to keep myself grounded. Perhaps I should invest in some tent stakes and sturdy rope. Don't want to float too far away, now, do I?

Lack of patience = lack of results

It's December - a month that seems to have come much too soon. It's not really cold yet and the time for extreme gift giving will surely depress me to the point of tears at least once. Not that I don't want to give much, but I really can't this year. For one, I have a new car that I surely couldn't afford. It didn't come to me in the best of ways, either. Let me record the whole story here, at least for something to come back to when I'm old and doddery.

It was going to be something easy. Something relatively quick which, in terms of my car, would be done in time to be driven again by Monday morning for the long trek to work...but it wasn't. Of course it wasn't or I wouldn't be relating this story at all, let alone whinging on about it in my blog. For some time now, I knew that I had to order a new harmonic balancer for my car. Apparently it is part of the crankshaft assembly and my mechanic boyfriend told me that the one I had now was wobbling and, if I didn't get it taken care of, it would come off and - in a worst-case scenario - take out part of my engine whilst driving. Not good. So, when it came time for him to do my oil change and whatnot, I ordered the part off an auto parts website (the only one left with the available part, so we really had no choice where to buy it from) and he did the oil change before starting on the balancer.

Needless to say, my car would not start when he put the new balancer on. He figured out that it was one or two things: either the part was bad and/or the sensor was bad. Oh...and that didn't take too long...it is just that my car's under-hood area is heavily encrusted with years of gunk and all original parts from 1989-1990. Suffice to say that he had a terrible time of even the slightest of things which is, unfortunately, usually the case with my older car. Sunday, he went and bought a new sensor at NAPA and put it on with the old balancer; the car started right up. I was elated because I was seriously looking into rental cars and bus schedules. He told me that he didn't want to risk putting the new part on again with the new sensor because he thinks the new part busted the old sensor because the spacing on some part of it was off. Soo...to make a long story slightly shorter, we decided it was finally time to get into gear to get me a new car.

Over the course of last weekend, we drove all over the place and looked at a few cars in "my" price range. (Note, I put "my" in quotation marks because I have no money at all. My wonderful boyfriend is paying for the car outright and I will pay him back. I feel extremely awkward about this, but there is no way around it because everyone, including him, do not want me to pay all the interest and fees and full coverage on insurance to make payments on a car from a dealership. Oh, and "my" price range started out at around $0 - $2000 and eventually went up to...well, you'll see.) They were awful.Too expensive for a 1998 Ford Escort with 80K miles...2001 Neon whose engine was the loudest I'd ever heard in such a small car...2000 Mercury Sable which felt like getting into a newer version of my rather large Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera...it was taxing on everyone looking.

At the end of the day last Saturday, I accompanied my parents to Best Buy to help them get a camera while boyfriend went home to look at more cars on Craigslist. When we got home, he'd found a 2004 Kia Rio with a little over 68K miles in our area. We were pretty much sold on it before we went there, which was bad. It was the model car I wanted with low mileage without having to drive a billion miles to see it. Worst part so far was the price - the guy was asking online for $3950. Ryan figured he could talk him down some, so we went to see it.

The car was cute and rode well, but Ryan immediately saw that it had an oil leak (although the guy said he'd just sprayed down under the hood for looks and that was probably it) and it needed tires on the back. Driving it was nice, but it whined a little. We looked at eachother and wanted all this crap over with, so we took it. Had to put a deposit down because his bank wouldn't give him any more cash at the ATM for the day, so we got it and the title Monday night after work.

It's now Friday and we know that the belts are too tight, the AC was just charged and it's probably a head gasket that's leaking - not the valve cover like we were hoping. Oh...and we got the car for $3700, which is really more than we wanted to pay, but we were over it. So...I have a Kia Rio...which is what I wanted since it's cute, newer than my car and has low mileage. However, I still can't drive it yet. We have 58 days (the leftover length of two temporary tags for my Olds) to fix it. Too bad Ryan has to use his vacation week in two weeks to do it. Oh well...at least he won't feel like he did nothing all day during his "stay-cation" like he did last time.

New lesson learned!
When buying a used car, take your time! Don't try to rush it or you'll be in worse shape than when you started!

Things to do in the new year

Not really a resolution list, so to say...just more of a "To Do" list because I always skimp on resolving my resolutions.

~ Get "new" car
~ Make/buy latex or silicone mermaid tail with scales
~ Work on routine for professional mermaid act for parties
~ Work on stories

...that's all for now.

Same eyes, different time - disjointed notes

I feel very keenly that I am still the same little girl I was when I was about 6 or 7. Honestly, I don't feel I've changed much at all. Sure, I've grown up, but I'm the same. It's a strange feeling to see my position now with those same eyes...some of it's amazing and I'm delighted to have done something I used to dream about, but then again, there are times when my inner self just sits down and pouts about something I'm doing or have done. It's awful and I hate disappointing myself.
...
I was a mermaid. I mean, I am a mermaid, no doubt about that, but people actually acknowledged me as a mermaid for a whole weekend and I was absolutely beyond ecstasy. I think I want to get to the point where that is a bigger part of my life. I couldn't have been more happy doing that and there are many elements that combined to make that utter joy: friendly new people; happy, interested children; new setting... I wished it had never ended and now I'm curious as to how to make it continue. I really need to apply myself and get this to work.
...
On another note, I'm feeling stifled. I need change and I'm not sure where it should come in. Everything's screaming at me and I can't pinpoint where the majority of the voices are coming from so I can shake them up and silence them.
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I'm almost done reading Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell for practically the billionth time and I'm just as enchanted by it as I was when I first picked it up. I highly suggest that you read it...whoever you are. I think I'll read through Susanna Clarke's The Ladies of Grace Adieu & Other Stories just to round out that fantastical feeling I get when I read through her masterpiece once again. I'd love to read something else from her, but I know almost exactly how she feels with regards to writing, although she's come much farther than I have, having actually finished writing a novel AND getting it published. I'm still only writing.
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Just keep swimming, right? Well...what if I have the sudden urge to turn around and swim against the current I'm in now? Is that bad? Beneficial? Pointless? I guess I have to just turn and swim harder to find out.