Starting Over

Ok...so it's definitely sure that anxiety is NOT a one-time thing for me. I've been almost 5 years at this new job and it's starting all over again with the physical symptoms: panic attacks, general nervousness, obsessive thinking, etc.

Stress around Christmas started it off and I ended up in the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. Nope. Just panic attacks. About a month of desperation and depression ensued. It got a little better with time, but still there. I'm working with a book called the DARE response to anxiety and its practices are helping me a lot.

I just can't stop worrying!!! Right now, it's about Po again; my younger cat. My baby. First, it started because she was itching too much. I freaked out and thought it was a food allergy, environmental allergy...ANYTHING but what it was, which turned out to be fleas. I laughed when I finally flea-combed her and saw a flea. We treated them with Advantage II and the fleas went away. Treated the house twice with Adams house spray and haven't seen one since *knocks on wood*.

Cut to I'm STILL dealing with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Trying, but not quite there yet. I can't stop worrying about Po. Now she's got a little bit of feline acne on her chin and I'm worried a small pink spot is going to be some sort of eosinophilic granuloma or something. I don't want to take her to the vet too early because I don't want them seeing my anxiety like they did last time. I was so embarrassed to hear them saying the problem was me. I heard them through the thin walls and wanted to die.

I need to wait and see if it gets worse or goes away...but I'm impatient. I'm scared.

Even if it IS a "rodent ulcer," it's completely treatable. I'm just so scared!!!!!!

I know it sounds stupid, but I can't stop! I try and I can't! I will. I should.

I need to follow my DARE steps and Defuse the thoughts with my "so what" statement: "So what if she has this. It's treatable and I will be able to afford it. Even if it's a food allergy, I change her food. No big deal."

Accept the feelings that I still get from the anxiety: tightness in the chest, weepiness, nervous waves of energy, etc. They won't kill me and I've already gone through and SURVIVED way worse.

Run toward the feelings/anxiety.

Engage my mind/body with something else.


Po is eating fine. She is playful and happy. She's NOT happy when I keep messing with her to look at her chin. It doesn't seem to hurt her. I need to leave it alone.

Please pray for me.